As you can see from the photos below, my throat growth/lesion started off as a yellowish/white "film" covering the entire back of my throat (the oropharynx), but now, 8 months later, it has turned into a brown hard mass covering the upper part of the oropharynx/sinus cavity. I can not even describe the pain it causes. My right ear feels like I have shards of glass in it, my face goes numb, my tonsils and roof of my mouth swell, my ribs hurt from coughing, and sometimes the pain is so bad, I pass out.
Every doctor I've seen, has treated me for numerous bacterial infections, viral infections and fungal infections, with no relief. They then diagnose me with an "infected behcet's lesion", give me a prescription for an antibiotic, diflucan and prednisone and send me on my way. But every single time, nothing helps. And even if I go back to the same doctor and show them that it's getting worse, they tell me they don't know what to tell me and send me home.
My main concern right now, is the fact that the growth on my cervix, according to my gyno, resembles the growth on my throat. And the growth on my cervix is cancerous. After doing a lot of research, I've found that it is very common to develop cancer in both places, because they are basically the same type of area. Soft tissue and mucous membrane. And I worry that it's been 8 months, and now that all the lymph nodes in my neck are swollen, I can't sleep longer than 2 hours at a time (due to pain), and I am passing out from pain, and it may be too late. All this fighting I've done for my health, with no help from the medical community, and what if it's too late? I've been charting my weight, and it's decreasing rapidly. Yawning makes my throat bleed, and talking can be excruciating.
So what do I do now? Continue going to these local doctors who don't know how to help me, and don't seem to give a damn, or just curl up in a ball and give up? I go thru a bottle of tylenol or motrin in 3 days, and the pain isn't even touched....But if I ask for anything for pain, I'm drug seeking, even with the proof of a huge mass basically consuming my throat.
I just need some answers. And I need someone who wants to help me. I can't keep walking in circles.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
I just can't seem to understand
Today was a good day. Aside from only sleeping in 2 hour increments last night (it's been this way, with sometimes shorter spans of time, for the last few months), I woke up feeling well, in minimal pain and actually was quite productive. I cleaned, I made a fantastic dinner for not only us, but friends as well. Most importantly, I felt good. Clear headed, positive. I haven't felt like this in, lord, I don't remember when......
With everything going on: my step son finally acting out enough, where we sought outside help, which ended up with him being admitted to our local mental health facility, My daughter's increasing behaviors, my fluctuating health (still with no answers) and the typical every day stressors, it seemed like every day was just getting worse. Until today.
Granted, I still have a big ol' growth on the back of my throat, a tumor in my uterus and my impending surgery to remove a portion of my cervix looming in the next few weeks. But today, my pain was minimal (I must say though, I have gone thru an entire bottle of 400 mg ibuprofen in about 10 days....). I'm still on the pau d'arco (but trying to ween myself off (typically I take 2 caps 4 x per day, today I took 2 caps 2x), my vitamin e 400 iu's 2 x per day, tramadol as needed for pain, vicodin as needed for pain, bioguard (i increased this to 2x per day), and not only am I using my olive leaf throat spray, I'm also using peroxyl mouth wash, which seems to help (not making the growth smaller, but eliminating some pain and it's not growing as quickly). So my regimen has changed a little, but so far it's going well. My weight is still dropping, but with the "gluten free, lactose free, sugar free" diet I am supposed to eat, it's impossible to gain weight. So I've been cheating again. Not really more, just when I cheat, I make it worth it. I eat the most calories I can in something indulgent once per day and just make sure to take my meds, brush my teeth right after and use my mouth wash and spray.
I'm hoping that after my surgery the ball will get rolling with my throat. Right now they are more focused on the "female organ" issues, while I am more concerned with what's painful. My throat. The tumor is getting much larger, but if I'm feeling ok, than I'm just going to go with it.
So the reason for my title today, is this: Someone stated to me the other day that "cancer nowadays is like the common cold. There are millions of treatments.So you're fine." And then she proceeded to say that I was "probably making it up" and if i was "to lie, she should have picked something a little more believable."
The most annoying part is that I have not physically seen this person in about a year, we don't talk and when we do, she's typically so disrespectful that i tune her out, she knows nothing about what is going on in my life and is adamant that she doesn't care......And who the fuck thinks cancer is comparable to a cold?!? AND not only do I have cancer, I have it is more than one area and they are different types! AND I have a rare, difficult to treat auto immune disorder on top of it all. Plus, 2 kids, a husband, a dog, a home, bills....you know, stress. They don't know what caused my health problems, they haven't figured out a successful treatment as of yet. The only plan so far is remove the affected part of my cervix, biopsy the uterine tumor, mri's/ct's for the throat one, then a biopsy....But even then, my body is so full of bacteria and virus's from these things, that cutting into me is dangerous. So basically, it's a vicious cycle and I plan to let my doctors think long and hard before doing anything, I'm not taking any chances.
It boggles my mind that anyone could say cancer is like a cold!?!??! Wow.
Ok, I'm done. It's late. Need to try to sleep, even if it is in these weird little nap-like patterns.
,
With everything going on: my step son finally acting out enough, where we sought outside help, which ended up with him being admitted to our local mental health facility, My daughter's increasing behaviors, my fluctuating health (still with no answers) and the typical every day stressors, it seemed like every day was just getting worse. Until today.
Granted, I still have a big ol' growth on the back of my throat, a tumor in my uterus and my impending surgery to remove a portion of my cervix looming in the next few weeks. But today, my pain was minimal (I must say though, I have gone thru an entire bottle of 400 mg ibuprofen in about 10 days....). I'm still on the pau d'arco (but trying to ween myself off (typically I take 2 caps 4 x per day, today I took 2 caps 2x), my vitamin e 400 iu's 2 x per day, tramadol as needed for pain, vicodin as needed for pain, bioguard (i increased this to 2x per day), and not only am I using my olive leaf throat spray, I'm also using peroxyl mouth wash, which seems to help (not making the growth smaller, but eliminating some pain and it's not growing as quickly). So my regimen has changed a little, but so far it's going well. My weight is still dropping, but with the "gluten free, lactose free, sugar free" diet I am supposed to eat, it's impossible to gain weight. So I've been cheating again. Not really more, just when I cheat, I make it worth it. I eat the most calories I can in something indulgent once per day and just make sure to take my meds, brush my teeth right after and use my mouth wash and spray.
I'm hoping that after my surgery the ball will get rolling with my throat. Right now they are more focused on the "female organ" issues, while I am more concerned with what's painful. My throat. The tumor is getting much larger, but if I'm feeling ok, than I'm just going to go with it.
So the reason for my title today, is this: Someone stated to me the other day that "cancer nowadays is like the common cold. There are millions of treatments.So you're fine." And then she proceeded to say that I was "probably making it up" and if i was "to lie, she should have picked something a little more believable."
The most annoying part is that I have not physically seen this person in about a year, we don't talk and when we do, she's typically so disrespectful that i tune her out, she knows nothing about what is going on in my life and is adamant that she doesn't care......And who the fuck thinks cancer is comparable to a cold?!? AND not only do I have cancer, I have it is more than one area and they are different types! AND I have a rare, difficult to treat auto immune disorder on top of it all. Plus, 2 kids, a husband, a dog, a home, bills....you know, stress. They don't know what caused my health problems, they haven't figured out a successful treatment as of yet. The only plan so far is remove the affected part of my cervix, biopsy the uterine tumor, mri's/ct's for the throat one, then a biopsy....But even then, my body is so full of bacteria and virus's from these things, that cutting into me is dangerous. So basically, it's a vicious cycle and I plan to let my doctors think long and hard before doing anything, I'm not taking any chances.
It boggles my mind that anyone could say cancer is like a cold!?!??! Wow.
Ok, I'm done. It's late. Need to try to sleep, even if it is in these weird little nap-like patterns.
,
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