Again, it's been a while. Recovery this time has been absolute balls.
While seeing my 3 specialists, it was decided that I should have my tonsils removed. My right one, is constantly inflammed, and the thought was that they could be contributing to my recurrent infections. Let me just say, if you are an adult, DON'T LET THEM TAKE OUT YOUR TONSILS!
For the first 2 days after surgery, I felt ok. I thought maybe this was my light at the end of the tunnel, and then my symptoms came back. Worse then ever. And the pain became unimaginable! So I called my surgeon, after I saw my rheumatologist (who said my throat was infected, and I had a temp of over 103), and my surgeon said that infection after this "routine surgery" is "impossible" so I should just rest and wait to see him the following week. Fuck that. I wasn't waiting. I went to see my PCP. Who verified that my throat was extremely infected, and possibly close to the point of abscess. AWESOME. So more meds for me, and bed rest. Story of my life.
I can't imagine how a surgeon who is dealing with a patient who has recurrent infections of unknown origin, can say I can't get an infection. Surgeons cut, thats what they do. Patient care, sucks.
So my diet is still liquid and soft foods. I've started drinking ensure plus, with a carnation instant breakfast in it, ice cream in it and 2% milk...Plus eating anything soft and high calorie I can....but it;s still not good enough....
Not only can these doctors not figure out whats wrong with me, they can't figure out how to stop it, OR how to make me stop losing weight. To date, I am no officially 97 lbs!!!!!!!!!!!! This is ridiculous!
But i've decided to stop stressing. This is ,my life now, and I have to embrace it and just keep living. Hopefully all these cakes I have to make this summer will help with the calories! Oh, and weird new symptom, I can't taste anything. Everything tastes he same. It's this weird chemically bland flavor all the time. Really sucks when you like food as much as I do.....Life goes on though, right?
Saturday, May 26, 2012
Saturday, April 14, 2012
Sugery was supposed to be the end. The light at the end of my tunnel....
I was like a kid on christmas eve, waiting for my surgery thus past wednesday. My doctor said that I should finally have relief from the pain I had been living with for the last year. I'd be able to sleep thru the night and swallow. I was anxious about recovery, and having more pain during that time, but everyone assured me that there would be no pain...I'd finally be able to have my life back...They lied.
Since my surgery, I have been in more pain than I ever could have imagined. I can't speak properly, everything I say sounds like a different person. I sound like I'm deaf. And besides what I sound like, it's excruciating to even attempt to speak. The right side of my nose up to behind my eye, feels like I have razor blades moving up and down. The constant throbbing pain has even made the right side of my face swell, including my eye and my temple. The roof of my mouth is starting to form some sort of perforation, and feels like it's splitting in half or caving in. The sensation is like acid is burning from the nasal floor to my palate, eating it's way thru to the inside of my mouth. The right side of my throat, behind my tonsil, is red and inflammed, like someone cut it and decided not to repair it. My nasopharynx (the back wall of the throat, up behind the flap where the uvula is) feels like popcorn kernels covered in needles are stuck up there.
And to make matters worse, my pcp, the surgeon, and everyone involved, states that because I shouldn't have any pain, than they can not prescribe me anything for the pain. It must be all in my head. You can see the erosion, ulcerations and inflammation in my nose and throat....But the pain, they say, is all in my head.
I can't talk, I can't eat. I spend my days curled up in a ball, crying, in the most pain I have ever felt in my entire life.
The surgeon also didn't have any answers....After debriding my nose and throat, he said he had never seen anything like it before. The erosion and deterioration was caused by some sort of unknown condition. So next week, I start my journey all over again. With a new panel of specialists, new questions, more tests, and more pain. I have to see a rhuematologist incase it's some sort of auto immune disease, infectious disease (cdc) incase it's something of that nature, and pain management, to see if the pain I am experience is legitimate or "all in my head".
I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. The things I am going thru now, are the exact opposite of where I thought I would be. The surgery was supposed to bring me closure. It was supposed to clean out all of the "bad stuff" and make it so I could finally have my life back. But it did the opposite. It wiped away all of the answers we thought we had, created more questions and more pain....I'm further back than I was in the beginning, with a surgeon who has no compassion for me at all. The only piece of information he had was that my condition resembled wegeners granulmatosis. Which, is a severe condition in which the mucous membranes of the nose, throat and palate deteriorate, causing a hole in the center of the face. It's a fatal condition if left untreated for too long....Once diagnosed, most patients have less than a year to live, and I've been battling this for a year already......
I would kill for some pain medication....My only option at this point is to go to the ER and hope that they do something for me....But the truth is, I'll sit there for 5 hours, be sent home and told to contact my pcp or the surgeon...and both of them, told me to go to the ER....So here I am, alone in my battle again, with no medical advocate....being told that I probably have a serious chronic infectious disease, but yet that pain I am experiencing is "all in my head." So fuck the state of Maine and their stupid ass health care system. When this is all said and done, I am going to have one fucking huge lawsuit against all of these people who refused to help me and sat back watching me suffer. Being denied disability. Refused to be given pain management. And given surgeries that did nothing but hurt me....They'll be sorry that they made the decisions that they did, because I will own their homes, their cars and their kids college funds. They messed with the wrong sick person this time....I'm going to fight to get my life back. And then some!
Since my surgery, I have been in more pain than I ever could have imagined. I can't speak properly, everything I say sounds like a different person. I sound like I'm deaf. And besides what I sound like, it's excruciating to even attempt to speak. The right side of my nose up to behind my eye, feels like I have razor blades moving up and down. The constant throbbing pain has even made the right side of my face swell, including my eye and my temple. The roof of my mouth is starting to form some sort of perforation, and feels like it's splitting in half or caving in. The sensation is like acid is burning from the nasal floor to my palate, eating it's way thru to the inside of my mouth. The right side of my throat, behind my tonsil, is red and inflammed, like someone cut it and decided not to repair it. My nasopharynx (the back wall of the throat, up behind the flap where the uvula is) feels like popcorn kernels covered in needles are stuck up there.
And to make matters worse, my pcp, the surgeon, and everyone involved, states that because I shouldn't have any pain, than they can not prescribe me anything for the pain. It must be all in my head. You can see the erosion, ulcerations and inflammation in my nose and throat....But the pain, they say, is all in my head.
I can't talk, I can't eat. I spend my days curled up in a ball, crying, in the most pain I have ever felt in my entire life.
The surgeon also didn't have any answers....After debriding my nose and throat, he said he had never seen anything like it before. The erosion and deterioration was caused by some sort of unknown condition. So next week, I start my journey all over again. With a new panel of specialists, new questions, more tests, and more pain. I have to see a rhuematologist incase it's some sort of auto immune disease, infectious disease (cdc) incase it's something of that nature, and pain management, to see if the pain I am experience is legitimate or "all in my head".
I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. The things I am going thru now, are the exact opposite of where I thought I would be. The surgery was supposed to bring me closure. It was supposed to clean out all of the "bad stuff" and make it so I could finally have my life back. But it did the opposite. It wiped away all of the answers we thought we had, created more questions and more pain....I'm further back than I was in the beginning, with a surgeon who has no compassion for me at all. The only piece of information he had was that my condition resembled wegeners granulmatosis. Which, is a severe condition in which the mucous membranes of the nose, throat and palate deteriorate, causing a hole in the center of the face. It's a fatal condition if left untreated for too long....Once diagnosed, most patients have less than a year to live, and I've been battling this for a year already......
I would kill for some pain medication....My only option at this point is to go to the ER and hope that they do something for me....But the truth is, I'll sit there for 5 hours, be sent home and told to contact my pcp or the surgeon...and both of them, told me to go to the ER....So here I am, alone in my battle again, with no medical advocate....being told that I probably have a serious chronic infectious disease, but yet that pain I am experiencing is "all in my head." So fuck the state of Maine and their stupid ass health care system. When this is all said and done, I am going to have one fucking huge lawsuit against all of these people who refused to help me and sat back watching me suffer. Being denied disability. Refused to be given pain management. And given surgeries that did nothing but hurt me....They'll be sorry that they made the decisions that they did, because I will own their homes, their cars and their kids college funds. They messed with the wrong sick person this time....I'm going to fight to get my life back. And then some!
Thursday, March 29, 2012
State of Maine health care is fucking ridiculous!
I hate hannaford pharmacy. I always have. They are rude, they take too long for simple refills, and for some reason they think that even though a doctor gives you a script, they have the authority to say that you can't fill it! The ENT I saw on monday gave me a script of a few days wort of meds to see if they would work for me. Yesterday, I called his office to let him know that they were working and that I would need to refill the script today since I wouldn't see him again until tuesday. He had no problem and I picked it up. My normal pharmacy, which is rite aid doesn't carry this particular med, so reluctantly, I had to go to hannaford. We dropped it off and when I went to pick it up, the woman told me she wasn't going to fill it. Her reasoning is, that per the instructions you take 2 tabs every 4 hours for pain. Her math that means I should be taking 8 tabs at most. But what she didn't take into consideration is that yes, most people take meds over a 12 hour span of time, once in the morning, twice during the day, and once before bed. I on the other hand, only sleep in 2 - 3 hour increments, so I take them EVERY FOUR HOURS in a 24 hour period of time. So that means, I take 12 pills a day, a 24 hour day. 12 x 3 days is 36 pills. I was scripted 40 pills. But she said I should have only taken 24 pills, so I should still have 2 days worth of meds. I felt like I was talking to a wall. I tried to make her understand that a day is 24 hours, and some people don't only take meds from 8am until 8 pm, some people take them EVERY 4 HOURS for the ENTIRE 24 HOUR DAY! I explained that I am also using a solution that is used as a debridement tool, which is painful when something is breaking down any bacterial particles on a growth in your throat. She had no sympathy. This talking to a wall woman stated that she would call my doctors office to make sure that the prescription is valid and that the doctor really thinks it should be filled....Ok, so I handed you a script that is dated for today, filled out and signed by my doctor, but you need to call and make sure he really wanted me to fill it? Riiiight.....I am only to assume that she thinks I either forged the script or stole it.....Which pisses me off ever more! Why because I'm a 20 something year old, with tattoos and red streak in my hair, that means that I have a drug addict and am committing a serious federal crime by stealing a script.....Needless to say, I have not heard from my doctors office or the pharmacy. And this is why I took it to get refilled when I still had a few pills left, because if not, I would have run out and been one hell of a bitch! I just hope when the stupid "i make the rules" pharmacy lady calls my doctor he tells her how retarded she really is. He wouldn't give me a script if I shouldn't have it!
And this is why, I get my prescriptions filled at Rite Aid. They don't think they're god there. And they don't judge someone and assume anything about me, just because of the way I look.
And this is why, I get my prescriptions filled at Rite Aid. They don't think they're god there. And they don't judge someone and assume anything about me, just because of the way I look.
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Hurry up & wait....
Just when you think "Finally! Some answers!" Reality somehow creeps back in and BAM, more waiting...So I went to my LEEP procedure to remove the cells from my cervix and uterus...Painful procedure by the way....definitely don't want to do That again! But thankfully the Doctor I was seeing was very personable. She obviously was concerned with the fact that I have absolutely no pain threshold, so I explained to her what was going on with my body and showed her the lovely growth on the back of my throat. I didn't think much about it until the next morning, when the Doctor called me herself! Now, you may know, Doctors never call patients. Ever. They always relay a message thru their secretaries or medical assistance and they call you and usually only explain half of what you needed to know. Anyhoo, She called and said she had been up all night searching online, reading my file and trying to sort all of it out. 3 hours later, she had an appointment scheduled for me with a specialist....the same office that my pcp couldn't get me into for another few weeks...hmmmm...I was so overwhelmed with her kindness and concern, I cried.
In anticipation for the upcoming appointment, I researched all the things I thought he would probably say it was. I assumed he would look in my ear and my throat and know exactly what we were dealing with, set up some tests, and then I'd start treatment....Boy was I wrong. Not only did the specialist spend more time ying to figure out the computer system, he didn't know what the growth was, cultured it yet again (this will be my 4th culture), told me to go home and debris it by using this special nasal spray that it corrosive enough to hopefully strip some of the growth away, and then he would see me back in a week. He assumes that by me "washing the growth away", I should be somewhat better when I see him on tuesday. And if not, then he would have proceed with a surgical debridement.... without knowing exactly what it is yet....3 of the 4 people I have seen so far that have looked at this lovely growth, seem to think the same cancer cells that are invading my cervix & uterus, are also the ones to blame for my throat. He on the other hand, says that I am too young for that to be the case....Too young?!? Babies are born with cancer for christ sake! He then said it could be an infection, now mind you, I've had this since May of 2011 and have been on numerous rounds of steroids, antibiotics, antivirals and anti fungals and nothing as worked, and if it was an infection of some kind, I would think my husband, who I kiss on a regular basis, would have some sort of infection as well....
Oh well. I guess I'll just have to wait and see. The pain of this is getting to be unbearable, so at this point, I just want him to admit me, cut it out and be done. But he says it;s going to be a long and painful process....YIPEE! I've been dealing with it for almost a year, so whats another one, right?!
In anticipation for the upcoming appointment, I researched all the things I thought he would probably say it was. I assumed he would look in my ear and my throat and know exactly what we were dealing with, set up some tests, and then I'd start treatment....Boy was I wrong. Not only did the specialist spend more time ying to figure out the computer system, he didn't know what the growth was, cultured it yet again (this will be my 4th culture), told me to go home and debris it by using this special nasal spray that it corrosive enough to hopefully strip some of the growth away, and then he would see me back in a week. He assumes that by me "washing the growth away", I should be somewhat better when I see him on tuesday. And if not, then he would have proceed with a surgical debridement.... without knowing exactly what it is yet....3 of the 4 people I have seen so far that have looked at this lovely growth, seem to think the same cancer cells that are invading my cervix & uterus, are also the ones to blame for my throat. He on the other hand, says that I am too young for that to be the case....Too young?!? Babies are born with cancer for christ sake! He then said it could be an infection, now mind you, I've had this since May of 2011 and have been on numerous rounds of steroids, antibiotics, antivirals and anti fungals and nothing as worked, and if it was an infection of some kind, I would think my husband, who I kiss on a regular basis, would have some sort of infection as well....
Oh well. I guess I'll just have to wait and see. The pain of this is getting to be unbearable, so at this point, I just want him to admit me, cut it out and be done. But he says it;s going to be a long and painful process....YIPEE! I've been dealing with it for almost a year, so whats another one, right?!
Thursday, March 22, 2012
it's been a while...!
So, regardless of the fact that it's been far too long since i've had time to express the things going on in the crazy world I call my health, here I am!
First of all, growth is still chugging along there in my throat. Went to St. Joes twice, once in december, where they gave me numerous meds and sent me on my way. And again in january, where they had the audacity to diagnose me with a COLD. Seriously, a freaking cold?! Not even once did they actually Look in my throat. I kept opening my mouth, and the doctor would say, "oh it's ok, i believe you." After failed attempts at trying to get a medical professional to take my health seriously, I went back to my PCP.....She stated she had no idea I had a growth on my throat....Even though it's been there since May, and I had seen her at least 6 times for it specifically...But whatever....She decided it was time to send me to a specialist. Finally an ENT! The appointment was scheduled for April 10th. I was a little discouraged, but it's a start.
I should mention that along with the growth I now have lost my sense of hearing in my right ear, and the amount of pain I am in is way beyond what I ever could have imagined it would ever be. I still haven't slept thru the night. It's been almost 5 months since I've slept thru the night! 2 hours is the longest span. So we have, no sleep, pain, hearing loss, 18 lb weight loss (since january), the growth is larger (and brown now) and my hair is falling out in clumps. And, don't know if this is serious or not (sarcasm), but there are times I can't swallow.....
Yesterday, I had my appointment for a LEEP procedure for some cancerous cells on my cervix. This was my second procedure, and i must say, very painful! And scary too! But, a WONDERFUL thing resulted from this meeting. The doctor wanted to see my throat. I showed her and she asked me some simple questions and I thought that was it.....Then today, she called me personally! She said she had been up all night researching, checking my file and wracking her brain. She called numerous specialists and got me an appointment for Monday. Yes, Monday! She was amazed that I am living with this pain and growth and have been since May of last year. And for once, a doctor was concerned about me. She wanted to help me. She went above and beyond and out of her job requirements, and did whatever she had to do for me. A patient she did a routine procedure on. That she met for 20 minutes just yesterday. I admit. I cried. For almost a year I have been begging doctors, calling people, researching, trying to get someone to help me and here she is. She did say she is pretty sure, that it is a cancerous tumor. But at this point, I don't care if it's gangrene. I just want help. I want to have my life back. I want to spend a day pain free. I want to have the energy to go for a bike ride with my daughter. I want to go on adventures with the love of my life. I want to be me again and not ruled by my health. And all because one person took interest. Finally. Regardless of what it is (although, I always kind of assumed it was a cancerous tumor) at least I will have an answer. I can finally get treatment. I can finally be taken seriously.
I can finally start living my life again.
First of all, growth is still chugging along there in my throat. Went to St. Joes twice, once in december, where they gave me numerous meds and sent me on my way. And again in january, where they had the audacity to diagnose me with a COLD. Seriously, a freaking cold?! Not even once did they actually Look in my throat. I kept opening my mouth, and the doctor would say, "oh it's ok, i believe you." After failed attempts at trying to get a medical professional to take my health seriously, I went back to my PCP.....She stated she had no idea I had a growth on my throat....Even though it's been there since May, and I had seen her at least 6 times for it specifically...But whatever....She decided it was time to send me to a specialist. Finally an ENT! The appointment was scheduled for April 10th. I was a little discouraged, but it's a start.
I should mention that along with the growth I now have lost my sense of hearing in my right ear, and the amount of pain I am in is way beyond what I ever could have imagined it would ever be. I still haven't slept thru the night. It's been almost 5 months since I've slept thru the night! 2 hours is the longest span. So we have, no sleep, pain, hearing loss, 18 lb weight loss (since january), the growth is larger (and brown now) and my hair is falling out in clumps. And, don't know if this is serious or not (sarcasm), but there are times I can't swallow.....
Yesterday, I had my appointment for a LEEP procedure for some cancerous cells on my cervix. This was my second procedure, and i must say, very painful! And scary too! But, a WONDERFUL thing resulted from this meeting. The doctor wanted to see my throat. I showed her and she asked me some simple questions and I thought that was it.....Then today, she called me personally! She said she had been up all night researching, checking my file and wracking her brain. She called numerous specialists and got me an appointment for Monday. Yes, Monday! She was amazed that I am living with this pain and growth and have been since May of last year. And for once, a doctor was concerned about me. She wanted to help me. She went above and beyond and out of her job requirements, and did whatever she had to do for me. A patient she did a routine procedure on. That she met for 20 minutes just yesterday. I admit. I cried. For almost a year I have been begging doctors, calling people, researching, trying to get someone to help me and here she is. She did say she is pretty sure, that it is a cancerous tumor. But at this point, I don't care if it's gangrene. I just want help. I want to have my life back. I want to spend a day pain free. I want to have the energy to go for a bike ride with my daughter. I want to go on adventures with the love of my life. I want to be me again and not ruled by my health. And all because one person took interest. Finally. Regardless of what it is (although, I always kind of assumed it was a cancerous tumor) at least I will have an answer. I can finally get treatment. I can finally be taken seriously.
I can finally start living my life again.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Throat is becoming an issue....bad....
As you can see from the photos below, my throat growth/lesion started off as a yellowish/white "film" covering the entire back of my throat (the oropharynx), but now, 8 months later, it has turned into a brown hard mass covering the upper part of the oropharynx/sinus cavity. I can not even describe the pain it causes. My right ear feels like I have shards of glass in it, my face goes numb, my tonsils and roof of my mouth swell, my ribs hurt from coughing, and sometimes the pain is so bad, I pass out.
Every doctor I've seen, has treated me for numerous bacterial infections, viral infections and fungal infections, with no relief. They then diagnose me with an "infected behcet's lesion", give me a prescription for an antibiotic, diflucan and prednisone and send me on my way. But every single time, nothing helps. And even if I go back to the same doctor and show them that it's getting worse, they tell me they don't know what to tell me and send me home.
My main concern right now, is the fact that the growth on my cervix, according to my gyno, resembles the growth on my throat. And the growth on my cervix is cancerous. After doing a lot of research, I've found that it is very common to develop cancer in both places, because they are basically the same type of area. Soft tissue and mucous membrane. And I worry that it's been 8 months, and now that all the lymph nodes in my neck are swollen, I can't sleep longer than 2 hours at a time (due to pain), and I am passing out from pain, and it may be too late. All this fighting I've done for my health, with no help from the medical community, and what if it's too late? I've been charting my weight, and it's decreasing rapidly. Yawning makes my throat bleed, and talking can be excruciating.
So what do I do now? Continue going to these local doctors who don't know how to help me, and don't seem to give a damn, or just curl up in a ball and give up? I go thru a bottle of tylenol or motrin in 3 days, and the pain isn't even touched....But if I ask for anything for pain, I'm drug seeking, even with the proof of a huge mass basically consuming my throat.
I just need some answers. And I need someone who wants to help me. I can't keep walking in circles.
Every doctor I've seen, has treated me for numerous bacterial infections, viral infections and fungal infections, with no relief. They then diagnose me with an "infected behcet's lesion", give me a prescription for an antibiotic, diflucan and prednisone and send me on my way. But every single time, nothing helps. And even if I go back to the same doctor and show them that it's getting worse, they tell me they don't know what to tell me and send me home.
My main concern right now, is the fact that the growth on my cervix, according to my gyno, resembles the growth on my throat. And the growth on my cervix is cancerous. After doing a lot of research, I've found that it is very common to develop cancer in both places, because they are basically the same type of area. Soft tissue and mucous membrane. And I worry that it's been 8 months, and now that all the lymph nodes in my neck are swollen, I can't sleep longer than 2 hours at a time (due to pain), and I am passing out from pain, and it may be too late. All this fighting I've done for my health, with no help from the medical community, and what if it's too late? I've been charting my weight, and it's decreasing rapidly. Yawning makes my throat bleed, and talking can be excruciating.
So what do I do now? Continue going to these local doctors who don't know how to help me, and don't seem to give a damn, or just curl up in a ball and give up? I go thru a bottle of tylenol or motrin in 3 days, and the pain isn't even touched....But if I ask for anything for pain, I'm drug seeking, even with the proof of a huge mass basically consuming my throat.
I just need some answers. And I need someone who wants to help me. I can't keep walking in circles.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
I just can't seem to understand
Today was a good day. Aside from only sleeping in 2 hour increments last night (it's been this way, with sometimes shorter spans of time, for the last few months), I woke up feeling well, in minimal pain and actually was quite productive. I cleaned, I made a fantastic dinner for not only us, but friends as well. Most importantly, I felt good. Clear headed, positive. I haven't felt like this in, lord, I don't remember when......
With everything going on: my step son finally acting out enough, where we sought outside help, which ended up with him being admitted to our local mental health facility, My daughter's increasing behaviors, my fluctuating health (still with no answers) and the typical every day stressors, it seemed like every day was just getting worse. Until today.
Granted, I still have a big ol' growth on the back of my throat, a tumor in my uterus and my impending surgery to remove a portion of my cervix looming in the next few weeks. But today, my pain was minimal (I must say though, I have gone thru an entire bottle of 400 mg ibuprofen in about 10 days....). I'm still on the pau d'arco (but trying to ween myself off (typically I take 2 caps 4 x per day, today I took 2 caps 2x), my vitamin e 400 iu's 2 x per day, tramadol as needed for pain, vicodin as needed for pain, bioguard (i increased this to 2x per day), and not only am I using my olive leaf throat spray, I'm also using peroxyl mouth wash, which seems to help (not making the growth smaller, but eliminating some pain and it's not growing as quickly). So my regimen has changed a little, but so far it's going well. My weight is still dropping, but with the "gluten free, lactose free, sugar free" diet I am supposed to eat, it's impossible to gain weight. So I've been cheating again. Not really more, just when I cheat, I make it worth it. I eat the most calories I can in something indulgent once per day and just make sure to take my meds, brush my teeth right after and use my mouth wash and spray.
I'm hoping that after my surgery the ball will get rolling with my throat. Right now they are more focused on the "female organ" issues, while I am more concerned with what's painful. My throat. The tumor is getting much larger, but if I'm feeling ok, than I'm just going to go with it.
So the reason for my title today, is this: Someone stated to me the other day that "cancer nowadays is like the common cold. There are millions of treatments.So you're fine." And then she proceeded to say that I was "probably making it up" and if i was "to lie, she should have picked something a little more believable."
The most annoying part is that I have not physically seen this person in about a year, we don't talk and when we do, she's typically so disrespectful that i tune her out, she knows nothing about what is going on in my life and is adamant that she doesn't care......And who the fuck thinks cancer is comparable to a cold?!? AND not only do I have cancer, I have it is more than one area and they are different types! AND I have a rare, difficult to treat auto immune disorder on top of it all. Plus, 2 kids, a husband, a dog, a home, bills....you know, stress. They don't know what caused my health problems, they haven't figured out a successful treatment as of yet. The only plan so far is remove the affected part of my cervix, biopsy the uterine tumor, mri's/ct's for the throat one, then a biopsy....But even then, my body is so full of bacteria and virus's from these things, that cutting into me is dangerous. So basically, it's a vicious cycle and I plan to let my doctors think long and hard before doing anything, I'm not taking any chances.
It boggles my mind that anyone could say cancer is like a cold!?!??! Wow.
Ok, I'm done. It's late. Need to try to sleep, even if it is in these weird little nap-like patterns.
,
With everything going on: my step son finally acting out enough, where we sought outside help, which ended up with him being admitted to our local mental health facility, My daughter's increasing behaviors, my fluctuating health (still with no answers) and the typical every day stressors, it seemed like every day was just getting worse. Until today.
Granted, I still have a big ol' growth on the back of my throat, a tumor in my uterus and my impending surgery to remove a portion of my cervix looming in the next few weeks. But today, my pain was minimal (I must say though, I have gone thru an entire bottle of 400 mg ibuprofen in about 10 days....). I'm still on the pau d'arco (but trying to ween myself off (typically I take 2 caps 4 x per day, today I took 2 caps 2x), my vitamin e 400 iu's 2 x per day, tramadol as needed for pain, vicodin as needed for pain, bioguard (i increased this to 2x per day), and not only am I using my olive leaf throat spray, I'm also using peroxyl mouth wash, which seems to help (not making the growth smaller, but eliminating some pain and it's not growing as quickly). So my regimen has changed a little, but so far it's going well. My weight is still dropping, but with the "gluten free, lactose free, sugar free" diet I am supposed to eat, it's impossible to gain weight. So I've been cheating again. Not really more, just when I cheat, I make it worth it. I eat the most calories I can in something indulgent once per day and just make sure to take my meds, brush my teeth right after and use my mouth wash and spray.
I'm hoping that after my surgery the ball will get rolling with my throat. Right now they are more focused on the "female organ" issues, while I am more concerned with what's painful. My throat. The tumor is getting much larger, but if I'm feeling ok, than I'm just going to go with it.
So the reason for my title today, is this: Someone stated to me the other day that "cancer nowadays is like the common cold. There are millions of treatments.So you're fine." And then she proceeded to say that I was "probably making it up" and if i was "to lie, she should have picked something a little more believable."
The most annoying part is that I have not physically seen this person in about a year, we don't talk and when we do, she's typically so disrespectful that i tune her out, she knows nothing about what is going on in my life and is adamant that she doesn't care......And who the fuck thinks cancer is comparable to a cold?!? AND not only do I have cancer, I have it is more than one area and they are different types! AND I have a rare, difficult to treat auto immune disorder on top of it all. Plus, 2 kids, a husband, a dog, a home, bills....you know, stress. They don't know what caused my health problems, they haven't figured out a successful treatment as of yet. The only plan so far is remove the affected part of my cervix, biopsy the uterine tumor, mri's/ct's for the throat one, then a biopsy....But even then, my body is so full of bacteria and virus's from these things, that cutting into me is dangerous. So basically, it's a vicious cycle and I plan to let my doctors think long and hard before doing anything, I'm not taking any chances.
It boggles my mind that anyone could say cancer is like a cold!?!??! Wow.
Ok, I'm done. It's late. Need to try to sleep, even if it is in these weird little nap-like patterns.
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